Begin your time by reading this short story to your students:
Sometimes, we are deeply hurt by people we love. But even if we usually get along with everyone in our lives, there will be times when someone is stubborn or unthinking or just plain selfish. In those moments, we’re faced with an opportunity to form a grudge against that person or to forgive them.
Let’s hear the three tips shared by a Christian therapist, Dr. Alison Cook, for how to forgive someone even when that person hasn’t apologized.
Read the following three tips from Dr. Cook’s blog on forgiveness aloud to your students. You can also display the article so students can read along:
- “Before you even consider the process of forgiveness, ensure you are safe and far removed from the hurtful behavior.
Forgiveness does not mean you that you don’t change how you interact with the person. In fact, you might need to remove yourself entirely from a relationship before you can even begin to process the idea of forgiveness. You can forgive someone AND maintain healthy distance. You can forgive someone AND have firm boundaries. You can forgive someone AND let consequences play themselves out.
- Once you’ve established a healthy distance, notice the feelings that are inside of you.
Forgiveness is as much about what goes on inside of you as it is about the other person. It’s about acknowledging and releasing anger, resentment, hostility, and pain. But don’t rush the “releasing” part. First, really take the time to work through and heal the hurting parts of you: What emotions surface when you think of the person? Can you extend compassion to those feelings? Do you understand them and why they’re there? - As you tend to your own heartache, it’s then that you can begin to release the resentment, anger and pain you’ve carried.
You may never again be in the same kind of relationships with this person. But you will be free.”
- What stood out to you from what Dr. Cook said about forgiveness? (Accept all reasonable responses.)
- Did you agree with what she said about choosing to forgive and heal regardless of whether the person who hurt us is willing or able to apologize? Why or why not? (Accept all reasonable responses.)
- Why is it sometimes hard to forgive? (Allow students to offer their opinions; accept all )
- What do you think is easier: forgiving someone else, or asking for forgiveness? Why? (Opinions may vary; encourage discussion. Be prepared to share your own experience.)
It would be wonderful if everyone who ever hurt us was repentant and apologetic. However, sometimes we will have to forgive people who don’t apologize. Other times, we’ll need to forgive people who have hurt us in very major ways. In these cases, it’s important to remember forgiveness doesn’t mean putting ourselves back in dangerous situations or relationships. Instead, it means surrendering the hurt that person caused to God and allowing Him to do His healing work in us. In today’s lesson, we’ll explore what Paul taught Philemon about forgiving others even when it is hard.